Changing 'me' to 'we'

I am often asked, especially here in Namibia, "Why are you not married yet?" As much as I would like to pour out why that question is slightly offensive (because it is usually only directed at women) and every personal reason I have for not currently being in a relationship, I usually take the easy way out and just answer with "I guess I haven't found Mr. Right yet." But the truth is that I'm not currently looking for 'Mr. Right', nor am I completely convinced that person exists. Now this isn't going to be a pessimistic diatribe about my disbelief in love and all things that surround 'happily ever after...', because that is not how I feel about this particular subject. I believe there are real life possibilities of that ending for me and I do believe in love. But as a person who has been in too many relationships that I thought were heading down the aisle, I know that I'm not ready for that commitment or ending right now. 

At 19, I met a guy that I thought I would marry. In fact, we openly discussed that our future together would involve that next step sooner rather than later. I fell hard, harder than I would admit to anyone. But I did what I think some women do, and I lost myself in that relationship. I started focusing on his goals, his dreams, his future. I didn't think about my own desires and needs, I gave myself up. That relationship failed in the most heartbreaking way possible. The most heart wrenching and unforgivable part was not losing him, it was the fact that I lost myself along the way. I became the lost girl I never thought I would be. And although I thought I never would recover at the time, with time I did. I found my inner strength.  

Now at 25, with a few more relationships under my belt, I can definitively say that I don't want to take that plunge... yet. I wasn't ready at 19 and I'm still not ready now. I have so much more to learn about myself and so many more things I want to accomplish before loving someone else. The cliche quote of "You must love yourself before you can love someone else" rings incredibly true for me. See, I'm not who I aspire to be yet. And if I'm not 100% satisfied with myself, how will I be happy with another person? I'm not saying that perfection is my aspiration. In fact, I have also realized along the way that perfection does not exist. I am saying that I want to meet the person that will make me a better person, but that I can contribute back to equally. We should both be driven, committed, and passionate about ourselves... as well as each other. 

I am not going to settle down with just anyone, because of the expectations of society. I can be 47 years old and single. As long as I am happy, then that is what is right for me. I don't need another person to complete me. I am a strong, capable woman who can provide for myself. I am the only person that should complete me. Now eventually, do I want to find the person who I feel like is an added bonus and uplifts me? Absolutely. Do I want to find that goofy guy who makes me laugh and deals with my fussy attitude? Sure. Do I think that person is out there? I hope so. But until I am ready, I am perfectly happy just being me. 

"The less routine, the more life."

Not a habit... yet

One of the first pieces of advice I got in the Peace Corps was that once I got to my community, I would need to establish a routine. It's a way to find normalcy when you feel like you are in the middle of chaos. It's a way to establish healthy and productive habits when it's tempting to slack off. I might have come to Namibia to get away from the daily mundane tasks and to embrace spontaneity, but I've found that my routine keeps me going. I found my set of habits and I like it. 

4 months later, I've unpacked. 

Trying to make the gym a habit

When I see the same taxi driver every morning, we wave to each other. At the only robot in town (a stop light), I see the same paper guys everyday hustling to sell their stack. When I walk into work, Aunty Margy is always there to greet me with "Goiemore. Hou gaan dit?" We have the same conversation every morning and I look forward to it. I start my day by checking my email, looking at facebook, and then moving on to Buzzfeed. The same boys come by my classroom everyday to mess with me and try to get me to come play with them. After work, if I need to get groceries, I see the same cashier at Spar. When I go to the gym, I am there with the same group of people at the same time every day. I do my routine workout and they do theirs. On Fridays, I stop by my favorite take away shop and get $10 worth of chips. I basically don't even have to order it anymore, they just know when they see me. On the weekends, I see the same cashier at Shoprite. And the same security guard who looks at me with judgmental eyes when I order a chocolate dipped cone at Hungry Lion.  I go to bed at the same time everyday and I wake up at the same time everyday.

Bottom line- Do what makes you smile

My routine keeps me stable and happy. I've been known to be a bit of a Type A personality, and I've carried that with me all the way to Namibia. But I'm not going to apologize for that or try to change it, I'm simply going to embrace it. I know when I'm having a bad day and I'm a little grumpy in the morning, Aunty Margy is going to ask me how I am and try to make me smile. If I'm not feeling up to walking all the way to the mall, my favorite cab driver will always turn around and pick me up when I lift my hand. These simple little things are what makes my world go around. So although I may never know if my all students will show up for class or if my electricity will be on when I get home, I know I can count on Hungry Lion to have my ice cream cone with a side of judgy eyes. That is the simplicity in my life and I wouldn't want it any other way.

A lesson in Namlish

Because it's Friday and I'm in a fun mood, I have decided to enlighten some of you folks in the states with a little language lesson. Since I've been in Namibia I have learned that although English is the official language, Namibians have their own special version. Although sometimes confusing when first heard, I have grown to love this Namlish and even use it in my daily life now. So, why not fulfill a Peace Corps goal and send some of this cultural flavor back home? Below is a list of common Namlish phrases/slang I have learned and my interpretation of the meanings.

Namlish = What it means (at least to me)

"Nee?" = You add this onto the end of a sentence, like saying "You understand, right?" 

Ex: "That is where you work, nee?"  

"I am coming just now." = This could mean someone is going somewhere now or coming to you now. 

"Is it?"  = This is like saying "Oh really?"

"Now now" = This either means something is happening right now, or in an hour from now.

"Eish" = This is an exclamation used in many circumstances. But mostly it is used like "Oh man!"

Ex: "Eish, that is expensive!"

"Atatatatata" = Generally it is used to show a form of disapproval. The more 'tas' the more disapproval. 

Ex: "She was out so late. Atatata."  

"Just there" = This is used when the person assumes you know where they are referencing. It could mean it is very close by or nowhere nearby. 

Ex: "My house is just there." 

"And the what what" = Used like etc or to fill in something that you already know.

Ex: "We bought meat and the what what"

"Are we together?" =To check understanding with others around you. Like, "Do you understand?"

"Sharp sharp"  = Often used to say yes or to show your approval.

"Yabo"= It means yes.

"Paining" = It usually means something is hurt or aching.

Ex: "My head is paining."

"You must..." = Although it might sound like you are required to do something, it is actually just a request.

Ex: "You must give me your number."

"He/she is not serious." = Used like, "They must be joking, right?"

"Is having...." = Can mean a few things. It either means someone has something or that they are rich.

Ex: "She is having a lot of children." OR "That PCV is having."        

I have also figured out, that you can add -s to the end of any word and it will transform your average English word to Namlish. For example, I am often greeted with 'Hellos' or 'Mornings'. 

That is your first lesson in Namlish everyone. Give yourself a pat on the back for making it through and now go forth and conquer that shabeen! Or Chiptole/Dunkin Donuts/Cheesecake Factory/Buffalo Wild Wings/#Allthingsdelicious if you are one of the lucky ducks that has access to one. (Food envy in full force)