Changing 'me' to 'we'

I am often asked, especially here in Namibia, "Why are you not married yet?" As much as I would like to pour out why that question is slightly offensive (because it is usually only directed at women) and every personal reason I have for not currently being in a relationship, I usually take the easy way out and just answer with "I guess I haven't found Mr. Right yet." But the truth is that I'm not currently looking for 'Mr. Right', nor am I completely convinced that person exists. Now this isn't going to be a pessimistic diatribe about my disbelief in love and all things that surround 'happily ever after...', because that is not how I feel about this particular subject. I believe there are real life possibilities of that ending for me and I do believe in love. But as a person who has been in too many relationships that I thought were heading down the aisle, I know that I'm not ready for that commitment or ending right now. 

At 19, I met a guy that I thought I would marry. In fact, we openly discussed that our future together would involve that next step sooner rather than later. I fell hard, harder than I would admit to anyone. But I did what I think some women do, and I lost myself in that relationship. I started focusing on his goals, his dreams, his future. I didn't think about my own desires and needs, I gave myself up. That relationship failed in the most heartbreaking way possible. The most heart wrenching and unforgivable part was not losing him, it was the fact that I lost myself along the way. I became the lost girl I never thought I would be. And although I thought I never would recover at the time, with time I did. I found my inner strength.  

Now at 25, with a few more relationships under my belt, I can definitively say that I don't want to take that plunge... yet. I wasn't ready at 19 and I'm still not ready now. I have so much more to learn about myself and so many more things I want to accomplish before loving someone else. The cliche quote of "You must love yourself before you can love someone else" rings incredibly true for me. See, I'm not who I aspire to be yet. And if I'm not 100% satisfied with myself, how will I be happy with another person? I'm not saying that perfection is my aspiration. In fact, I have also realized along the way that perfection does not exist. I am saying that I want to meet the person that will make me a better person, but that I can contribute back to equally. We should both be driven, committed, and passionate about ourselves... as well as each other. 

I am not going to settle down with just anyone, because of the expectations of society. I can be 47 years old and single. As long as I am happy, then that is what is right for me. I don't need another person to complete me. I am a strong, capable woman who can provide for myself. I am the only person that should complete me. Now eventually, do I want to find the person who I feel like is an added bonus and uplifts me? Absolutely. Do I want to find that goofy guy who makes me laugh and deals with my fussy attitude? Sure. Do I think that person is out there? I hope so. But until I am ready, I am perfectly happy just being me. 

"The less routine, the more life."

Not a habit... yet

One of the first pieces of advice I got in the Peace Corps was that once I got to my community, I would need to establish a routine. It's a way to find normalcy when you feel like you are in the middle of chaos. It's a way to establish healthy and productive habits when it's tempting to slack off. I might have come to Namibia to get away from the daily mundane tasks and to embrace spontaneity, but I've found that my routine keeps me going. I found my set of habits and I like it. 

4 months later, I've unpacked. 

Trying to make the gym a habit

When I see the same taxi driver every morning, we wave to each other. At the only robot in town (a stop light), I see the same paper guys everyday hustling to sell their stack. When I walk into work, Aunty Margy is always there to greet me with "Goiemore. Hou gaan dit?" We have the same conversation every morning and I look forward to it. I start my day by checking my email, looking at facebook, and then moving on to Buzzfeed. The same boys come by my classroom everyday to mess with me and try to get me to come play with them. After work, if I need to get groceries, I see the same cashier at Spar. When I go to the gym, I am there with the same group of people at the same time every day. I do my routine workout and they do theirs. On Fridays, I stop by my favorite take away shop and get $10 worth of chips. I basically don't even have to order it anymore, they just know when they see me. On the weekends, I see the same cashier at Shoprite. And the same security guard who looks at me with judgmental eyes when I order a chocolate dipped cone at Hungry Lion.  I go to bed at the same time everyday and I wake up at the same time everyday.

Bottom line- Do what makes you smile

My routine keeps me stable and happy. I've been known to be a bit of a Type A personality, and I've carried that with me all the way to Namibia. But I'm not going to apologize for that or try to change it, I'm simply going to embrace it. I know when I'm having a bad day and I'm a little grumpy in the morning, Aunty Margy is going to ask me how I am and try to make me smile. If I'm not feeling up to walking all the way to the mall, my favorite cab driver will always turn around and pick me up when I lift my hand. These simple little things are what makes my world go around. So although I may never know if my all students will show up for class or if my electricity will be on when I get home, I know I can count on Hungry Lion to have my ice cream cone with a side of judgy eyes. That is the simplicity in my life and I wouldn't want it any other way.

A lesson in Namlish

Because it's Friday and I'm in a fun mood, I have decided to enlighten some of you folks in the states with a little language lesson. Since I've been in Namibia I have learned that although English is the official language, Namibians have their own special version. Although sometimes confusing when first heard, I have grown to love this Namlish and even use it in my daily life now. So, why not fulfill a Peace Corps goal and send some of this cultural flavor back home? Below is a list of common Namlish phrases/slang I have learned and my interpretation of the meanings.

Namlish = What it means (at least to me)

"Nee?" = You add this onto the end of a sentence, like saying "You understand, right?" 

Ex: "That is where you work, nee?"  

"I am coming just now." = This could mean someone is going somewhere now or coming to you now. 

"Is it?"  = This is like saying "Oh really?"

"Now now" = This either means something is happening right now, or in an hour from now.

"Eish" = This is an exclamation used in many circumstances. But mostly it is used like "Oh man!"

Ex: "Eish, that is expensive!"

"Atatatatata" = Generally it is used to show a form of disapproval. The more 'tas' the more disapproval. 

Ex: "She was out so late. Atatata."  

"Just there" = This is used when the person assumes you know where they are referencing. It could mean it is very close by or nowhere nearby. 

Ex: "My house is just there." 

"And the what what" = Used like etc or to fill in something that you already know.

Ex: "We bought meat and the what what"

"Are we together?" =To check understanding with others around you. Like, "Do you understand?"

"Sharp sharp"  = Often used to say yes or to show your approval.

"Yabo"= It means yes.

"Paining" = It usually means something is hurt or aching.

Ex: "My head is paining."

"You must..." = Although it might sound like you are required to do something, it is actually just a request.

Ex: "You must give me your number."

"He/she is not serious." = Used like, "They must be joking, right?"

"Is having...." = Can mean a few things. It either means someone has something or that they are rich.

Ex: "She is having a lot of children." OR "That PCV is having."        

I have also figured out, that you can add -s to the end of any word and it will transform your average English word to Namlish. For example, I am often greeted with 'Hellos' or 'Mornings'. 

That is your first lesson in Namlish everyone. Give yourself a pat on the back for making it through and now go forth and conquer that shabeen! Or Chiptole/Dunkin Donuts/Cheesecake Factory/Buffalo Wild Wings/#Allthingsdelicious if you are one of the lucky ducks that has access to one. (Food envy in full force)

Breakfast tacos (Namibian-style)

If you've known me for more than 5 seconds, you know I'm from Texas and have a deep love of Mexican food. Like real deep, I would say it probably holds 50% of my heart. Well, what is a Texan to do in Namibia where Mexican food is nowhere to be found? Make it every chance you get. So here is a little recipe of my most recent favorite version of a breakfast taco. (Although I never eat it for breakfast)

Ingredients:
3 green bell peppers
1 yellow onion
1 can Mexican style tomatoes
2 eggs
Splash of milk
Tortillas (Or roti is a good substitute)
Cheddar cheese
Butter
Cholula... if you have it

Directions:
First, start out by chopping the peppers and onions into bite size pieces. Then add butter or oil to a hot pan and throw those bad boys in there. Cook until caramelized and soft. Grate the cheddar cheese, if it's not done already. I like to butter my tortilla and throw that in the pan next. It makes it a little crisp and a bit more sturdy to handle the filling. Next, I whisk up 2 eggs with a bit of milk and salt and pepper. Scramble the eggs on low heat. When they are just about done, add in the peppers, onions, tomatoes, and cheese. Continue cooking until the cheese is melted and the eggs are done. After that, load up your tortilla or roti with the eggs and get to chomping. Splash on Cholula if you have it. 

Tips:
The green peppers, onions, and can of tomatoes usually make about 5 or 6 generous servings. So I sometimes cook them all for dinner one night, then keep them in tupperware for another night. I always make the eggs fresh though. 
You can mix these basic ingredients up and add meat or avocado to keep it interesting. 
If you are at a Namibian grocery store and they are confused when you ask for tortillas, try asking for "wraps". They usually know what those are. Also, I always find mine at Spar in the freezer section. 

It's no Torchy's, but it works for me. 

To Swakop and back

That wave though

I am back from my lovely vacation and I cannot get over all of the feels I have had the past 5 days. I mean really though, the trip was exactly what I needed and so refreshing. I have noticed at site lately, I've lost a bit of that spark that I previously had. You know that inexplicable feeling of purpose and drive you have for what you do? Yea... my fire was starting to dim with all of the turmoil in my organization and feeling disconnected to everyone. But I got it back y'all! So now I will give you an insight into how my trip went.

We started by getting up at like 5am to catch the kumbi leaving at 6:30. My supervisor ended up bringing her 3 year old granddaughter, Mika, and she was stoked for the trip! Of course the kumbi ended up getting kind of cramped, but it wasn't the worst experience. We even stopped in Okahandja and it felt like I was home, for like all of the 15 minutes we were there. Eventually, we got to Swakop around 1pm. I astutely pointed out that it looks like the set of Mad Max, then was informed that it actually was the set of the movie. Super smart, I know.

The coffee of my dreams.

Kevin met me at the local grocery store to pick me up, like the true gentleman he is. We stopped over at his flat to drop my things, then went out to town so he could show me around. Holy culture shock, I saw more white people than I have seen the rest of my time in Namibia. We also stopped at a real coffee shop and I had my first iced coffee in Namibia. Straight up heaven! Of course I took pictures so I could instagram it later. We then went down to the jetty to see the sea and a few other places that were closed. We then had a late lunch where I had a delicious salad. He had a workshop that evening, so I hung out at his home and took a super hot shower.

Stephanie lives right next door, so I was able to surprise her when she got home. Oh man, how I have missed that girl's bright face. We were able to talk and talk until our hearts were almost content. It was soooo good to decompress with someone experiencing the same struggles. Shortly after, we went to bed and I snuggled into my little mattress on the floor in true PC style.

The next day, I went with Kevin to his center to see how things are done there. I thought I would just be sitting in on an Office Administration class, to see if I could take anything back to my center. But I actually ended up teaching the class. Thank you improv skills, I was able to muddle through a lesson on effective communication and how to write a CV and cover letter. For lunch, we went to his favorite capana stand. I had my first taste of street meat and I am converted! My American friends are probably asking why. And my PC friends are probably asking what took me so long. The spices were on point and I didn't even get sick from it. That afternoon we relaxed in the computer lab and I walked around the various classes a bit.

One of the local weavers

That night we went to pizza with another volunteer in Swakop, Kaan. Man, the pizza was delicious and the conversation was stellar. I think I was laughing like 80% of the time. The next day, I was able to go to work with Stephanie to see what her center is all about. Man oh man, I was in heaven. She works at an arts and crafts center that teaches classes in various forms of art and also has businesses where locally made goods are sold on site. The center is very tranquil with art on display, vendors, and classes happening all at once. Of course I couldn't leave without buying a few items, because I still love shopping and especially when I can meet the makers of the items on the spot. I even had a bit of Nara Oil ice cream that was spectacular.

After we knocked off, we went into town where we shopped around a bit. Then we picked up some real coffee and headed to the beach. Again, another chat session that was food for my soul. We really got closer and had such a good time watching the waves roll in as our stories and similarities flowed out. I even got to take the stereotypical beach jumping picture. Hello, I couldn't miss an opportunity like that! I mean, how often am I sitting on a beach in Africa with amazing company? (The answer is never).\

Almost have it

Houston we have lift off

That night we cooked burgers as a group and had a little poker game. Again, I was laughing and smiling quite a bit. The next morning they all went for a run, which I don't do, so I cooked breakfast tacos for the group. I would say they turned out pretty solid, but you would have to ask my audience to really know. After Kevin and Kaan bravely received haircuts from me, we headed into town where we met up with another volunteer Kaitlin. We then proceeded to not only have more ice cream, but also eat several types of cake at a coffee shop while I learned how to play Euchre.

Simply incredible

When the sun started to go down, we went to a local hotel where we were able to enjoy the lounge with just a few rules. There we ended up meeting some delightful Canadian volunteers from Zimbabwe and even stumbled upon an RPCV who served in Malawi in the 90s. Again, it was so nice to talk to people about similar experiences and lifestyle choices. The former PC volunteer ended up buying our drinks, which was beyond nice of her. She also said something that really struck me. She said, "Besides my husband, Peace Corps was the best decision I ever made in my life." I mean, hearing that from a former volunteer really helped to spark that fire in me again. If someone can say that, after serving over 20 years ago, it really must have made a huge impact on her life. Which gives me even more reason to push through my struggles here.

Life of luxury, nee?

After delectable Indian food for dinner, we stopped into a local tourist bar to see what was happening. I think this was the most culture shocked I've been this whole time. I could not stop awkwardly laughing at all of the tourist white people dancing to pop music in a circle. Like really getting down. It wasn't that I thought their dancing was horrible, although it wasn't anything to win awards, it was that people around me were experiencing Namibia in such a different way than I was. To them, this was completely normal. But to me, I was taken aback and realized that I am so thankful that is not my view of Namibia. Not to say that it's a bad one, but they really are not seeing the struggles that people face in this country and the hardship of daily life. They also do not see the beautiful aspects of the local culture and ceremonies. It was eye-opening for me to see the different right in front of my face, with Trey Songz and Michael Jackson bumping in the background.

We sleepily went home around 10pm and for my normal grandma time, that was a late night. The next morning we relaxed and waited for my kumbi to arrive. By 1, I was in a crammed kumbi between 3 men and on my way back to my site. Although I was excited to get home and see my adorable kitty, I was sad to leave my friends and all the fun. But that's ok, I will see them again in just about 7 weeks. I also sort of promised I would try to do a 10k "Fun Run" while they do a half-marathon in October. I don't know what will be fun about it, but I better get my booty in gear and start working towards that goal.

Until October...

I will be taking gym selfies to avoid running.

Laundry and dishes after working out: Just don't do it!

Halous alles! Today I am writing from a very sore place. Not mentally by any means, since I'm still avoiding practicing my Afrikaans and researching grants. But physically, my arms feel like jello. This weekend I decided to take the local gym up on their free membership for PCVs. I walked over after going to the post office (more on the care package below) and decided to put in some work. After all, I want a Nama booty by the end of this journey. I first tried to step on the tread mill, you know to do some jogging  walking and get my cardio in. There were 3 tread mills, the first one and third were out of order, so I tried the second one. I go to start it up and realize that something is not right. The track feels like it is stuttering and I might get catapulted off. Quickly the owner and another gym goer walk over and try to help me. After playing with it for a few seconds with no success, the owner tells me to just use one of the bikes. So I hope on a bike and get cycling. Gosh, you would think I was doing a marathon. Clearly I am more out of shape than I realize. After 15 minutes and 7 miles, I'm pretty sweaty. And since it is now 12:30 and the gym closes at 1, I decide to move over to weights.

I go for about 1,000 50 leg presses, which are fairly easy for my thunder thighs and man calves. Then I move over to arms. This is where I should have just stopped and accepted the jiggle that I have. But no, I wanted to prove that I could do it. So I went on to do tricep dips, curls, dead lifts, and a whole bunch of other things I don't know the name for but can imagine a body builder doing. The 5kg felt like 500 and I lasted maybe 15 minutes. Then I proceeded to painstakingly do 1,000 100 crunches and I called it a sweaty day. Right in time, because the owner was getting antsy to shut J.Lo off the speakers and close up shop. After that I walked home and quickly got into the house to open up my first care package!

This slightly crumpled box is like Christmas

Yes, I've been in Namibia for 4 months and this was my first mail ever. So needless to say, I was ecstatic and eager to open it. I was overjoyed to see that my mother had sent me 10 pairs of VS panties (because you can never have enough), socks, the classiest school supplies, a framed picture of myself and my grandparents, Ponds, and to top it all off- soy sauce, Tony Chacheres, and sriracha. I was in heaven. After I finished with my tears of joy, I hopped in the bath so I could put on a new pair of underwear. Something about strutting around in new underwear is just magic, nothing can get me down. Then, I topped my day off by making some fried rice with my new fancy shmancy condiments and burning my tongue by being overzealous with the sriracha. Totes worth it though.

Care package contents with a guest appearance by Miley

The scorching fried rice in question

Today, to prepare for my impending journey to the tourist playground of Namibia, I decided to be productive and do laundry and dishes. Because the line outside of my flat is often overtaken by my neighbors, I had to hit the ground running and churn out enough clean clothes to stake me claim early. Call me Whirlpool, because I made it through 3 batches of clothes. Oh the agony of my arms though! Each time I went to wring the clothes out, I could feel the lactic acid, or whatever devil concoction runs through my muscles, hiss. Then, to punish myself further,  I started on the dishes. I'll be 100% honest and say that is a task that is still in process. After scrubbing about 5 dishes, I decided to leave the rest to "soak". Maybe by the end of this evening, I will resume my Cinderella chores. But for now, I am going to sit on my not so Nama booty and enjoy all the internets has to offer.

Where my triceps went to die

Sunset from my prison-like kitchen window isn't half bad