Changing 'me' to 'we'

I am often asked, especially here in Namibia, "Why are you not married yet?" As much as I would like to pour out why that question is slightly offensive (because it is usually only directed at women) and every personal reason I have for not currently being in a relationship, I usually take the easy way out and just answer with "I guess I haven't found Mr. Right yet." But the truth is that I'm not currently looking for 'Mr. Right', nor am I completely convinced that person exists. Now this isn't going to be a pessimistic diatribe about my disbelief in love and all things that surround 'happily ever after...', because that is not how I feel about this particular subject. I believe there are real life possibilities of that ending for me and I do believe in love. But as a person who has been in too many relationships that I thought were heading down the aisle, I know that I'm not ready for that commitment or ending right now. 

At 19, I met a guy that I thought I would marry. In fact, we openly discussed that our future together would involve that next step sooner rather than later. I fell hard, harder than I would admit to anyone. But I did what I think some women do, and I lost myself in that relationship. I started focusing on his goals, his dreams, his future. I didn't think about my own desires and needs, I gave myself up. That relationship failed in the most heartbreaking way possible. The most heart wrenching and unforgivable part was not losing him, it was the fact that I lost myself along the way. I became the lost girl I never thought I would be. And although I thought I never would recover at the time, with time I did. I found my inner strength.  

Now at 25, with a few more relationships under my belt, I can definitively say that I don't want to take that plunge... yet. I wasn't ready at 19 and I'm still not ready now. I have so much more to learn about myself and so many more things I want to accomplish before loving someone else. The cliche quote of "You must love yourself before you can love someone else" rings incredibly true for me. See, I'm not who I aspire to be yet. And if I'm not 100% satisfied with myself, how will I be happy with another person? I'm not saying that perfection is my aspiration. In fact, I have also realized along the way that perfection does not exist. I am saying that I want to meet the person that will make me a better person, but that I can contribute back to equally. We should both be driven, committed, and passionate about ourselves... as well as each other. 

I am not going to settle down with just anyone, because of the expectations of society. I can be 47 years old and single. As long as I am happy, then that is what is right for me. I don't need another person to complete me. I am a strong, capable woman who can provide for myself. I am the only person that should complete me. Now eventually, do I want to find the person who I feel like is an added bonus and uplifts me? Absolutely. Do I want to find that goofy guy who makes me laugh and deals with my fussy attitude? Sure. Do I think that person is out there? I hope so. But until I am ready, I am perfectly happy just being me.